Yesterday I was talking with one of my nieces (she's almost 19) and she had mentioned she is planning on looking for another job. I told her the place I work would probably hire her because they are planning on looking for a replacement for me soon. She told me she didn't want to ruin her testimony by working at a place that sells alcohol. This conversation really bothered me. I went straight to work after it, and man I couldn't focus on wok, I was so obsessed over this little conversation.
I ruined my testimony just because I sell alcohol? It's not like I'm a bartender. I actually think it's a good thing I work at a place where I see a lot of broken people. I'm an example to them. Ever heard the saying "You're the only Bible some people will ever read"? I'm being an example, trying to show them the love that Jesus showed me.
I have never once had someone come up to me and say "Oh, you can't be a Christian because you work at a place that sells alcohol." The only people that think like that are legalistic Christians. God looks at the heart, not where you work, as long as you aren't sinning while working wherever you work.
Some argue, that by selling alcohol I'm being a stumbling block. No, I'm not being one. Most of the regulars there know I am a Christian and that I don't drink. They know my reasoning as well. Not because I'm underage, really, being underage doesn't stop anyone, they know I don't drink because I'm a Christian and I want to be different from everyone else. I'm not gonna cause someone to buy alcohol just because I sell it.
Also, I guess this depends on where your views are. I know a lot of Christians think drinking is wrong, it's not. What's wrong is getting drunk. Drinking in moderation is okay. Most likely I don't know how much they are drinking. God doesn't hold me responsible for them getting wasted, he holds themselves responsible.
If you think I'm wrong, that's okay. To each person his own. Everyone has their own convictions, if God is convicting you not to work at a place that sells alcohol, that's okay. Just please don't tell me my testimony is ruined because I do. God is using me here to bring others to him.
Sorry this really wasn't well written and I didn't use any verses to back me up, I just needed to rant about how I feel about that subject before it drove me crazy!
04-22-2015
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Monday, April 20, 2015
The Benefit Of The Doubt
Ever come across someone who is a little "slow"? What's you're first reaction? When I encounter "slow" people I try my hardest to be extra nice, I try to be extra patient with them. I try and make up for all the rude people (like my boss) that they encounter and have no sympathy for them at all.
"T-t-ten dollars on two."
"Okay." I smiled.
"Why don't you-u guys have a sign saying it-it's prepay only?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry." I really wasn't sure what he was expecting me to say, I'm just the cashier. I have no control over whether we have signs or not. And really, I agree with him...We probably should have signs up saying it's prepay only for cash.
My boss jumped in after he heard me say that. "The pumps aren't prepay." He said rudely.
"Yeah, only if you have a credit card. He's talking about with cash prepay." I told my boss.
"Y-yeah. You-u guys should have signs." The "slow" man said, now talking to my boss.
"Well nobody does that anymore, it's just common sense." My boss shot out.
"Well, w-when w-w-was the last time you had signs?" The "slow" man asked, not wanting to let this subject go.
My boss, now more irritated the before just said. "Have a good day." In other words, please leave before you make me really mad.
The man came back in for his refund then bought two 12oz cans of soda and 12oz of v8. The man was actually grumpy towards me this time, although I guess the first time he was kind of grumpy also.
Once he left for good my boss said, "He was kinda creepy."
"No, he wasn't, he was just slow." I replied, annoyed my boss had just called someone creepy for being slow. Nothing he did was creepy. Yeah, he was kinda grumpy, but I would have been too if someone spoke to me with the attitude my boss spoke to him.
My boss looked at me and smiled. "You always give people the benefit of the doubt." I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing what to say. Then he started ranting about how he doesn't, but that's probably just because he's been burned more then I have. After he finally quit ranting about that he got back on to the original subject. "Well, if he was slow then he was creepy and slow." In other words, like I already said. My boss thought he was creepy, just because he was slow. I just said yeah to it, knowing disagreeing with my boss would have only made him irritated with me.
It really bothers me that my boss thought this man was creepy just because he was slow. This man was by no means even the slightest creepy. I'm a 20 year old female, cashier who deals with a freakin' lot of creepy men. If anyone knows what creepy is, I sure as heck do. Just because someone is different from you are doesn't give you the right to give them a mean label. Different is good.
One thing I've learned from working at this store is you never really know these people. People tend to hide their true selves from others. We tend to only show others a small part of ourselves, only letting people to see what we want them too. I don't know their life story, I don't know how their day really was, I don't even know most of their names. The man who won't quit complaining about everything might have lost his job. The woman who won't smile back at me (by the way this drives me crazy!) someone she was very close to might have just died. The drunk who comes in three times a day to buy beer, lost this baby in a car accident that was his fault. The women who always insults me is battling a messy divorce. The man who is always smiling has cancer. That kid who steals is having trouble at home with his abusive parents. That's why I give, and always will give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't know them, nor their story. It's not my place to judge them. That's God's place.
04-17-2015
"T-t-ten dollars on two."
"Okay." I smiled.
"Why don't you-u guys have a sign saying it-it's prepay only?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry." I really wasn't sure what he was expecting me to say, I'm just the cashier. I have no control over whether we have signs or not. And really, I agree with him...We probably should have signs up saying it's prepay only for cash.
My boss jumped in after he heard me say that. "The pumps aren't prepay." He said rudely.
"Yeah, only if you have a credit card. He's talking about with cash prepay." I told my boss.
"Y-yeah. You-u guys should have signs." The "slow" man said, now talking to my boss.
"Well nobody does that anymore, it's just common sense." My boss shot out.
"Well, w-when w-w-was the last time you had signs?" The "slow" man asked, not wanting to let this subject go.
My boss, now more irritated the before just said. "Have a good day." In other words, please leave before you make me really mad.
The man came back in for his refund then bought two 12oz cans of soda and 12oz of v8. The man was actually grumpy towards me this time, although I guess the first time he was kind of grumpy also.
Once he left for good my boss said, "He was kinda creepy."
"No, he wasn't, he was just slow." I replied, annoyed my boss had just called someone creepy for being slow. Nothing he did was creepy. Yeah, he was kinda grumpy, but I would have been too if someone spoke to me with the attitude my boss spoke to him.
My boss looked at me and smiled. "You always give people the benefit of the doubt." I just smiled and shrugged my shoulders, not really knowing what to say. Then he started ranting about how he doesn't, but that's probably just because he's been burned more then I have. After he finally quit ranting about that he got back on to the original subject. "Well, if he was slow then he was creepy and slow." In other words, like I already said. My boss thought he was creepy, just because he was slow. I just said yeah to it, knowing disagreeing with my boss would have only made him irritated with me.
It really bothers me that my boss thought this man was creepy just because he was slow. This man was by no means even the slightest creepy. I'm a 20 year old female, cashier who deals with a freakin' lot of creepy men. If anyone knows what creepy is, I sure as heck do. Just because someone is different from you are doesn't give you the right to give them a mean label. Different is good.
One thing I've learned from working at this store is you never really know these people. People tend to hide their true selves from others. We tend to only show others a small part of ourselves, only letting people to see what we want them too. I don't know their life story, I don't know how their day really was, I don't even know most of their names. The man who won't quit complaining about everything might have lost his job. The woman who won't smile back at me (by the way this drives me crazy!) someone she was very close to might have just died. The drunk who comes in three times a day to buy beer, lost this baby in a car accident that was his fault. The women who always insults me is battling a messy divorce. The man who is always smiling has cancer. That kid who steals is having trouble at home with his abusive parents. That's why I give, and always will give people the benefit of the doubt. I don't know them, nor their story. It's not my place to judge them. That's God's place.
04-17-2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
Staying Faithful
The other day this guy named Mikey came in. Mikey is average height, around the age of 60, completely white,which is normally a mess, he can't use this left arm. He comes in every afternoon around 1:30 and gets a 32oz cup of ice, which we always let him have for free. Nobody likes this guy, honestly he's just creepy. I remember the first time I saw him, he told me I had gorgeous eyes. I of course didn't believe him, and since that day I have always viewed him as creepy. Not really so much of what he says, but how he looks at me. He'll just stare at me, not even smile, just stare. I actually feel kinda bad for him though. When I see him, I see sadness.
He came in a few days ago and got his usual cup of ice, and he bought a 16oz of sprite, which is very unusual. He paid for that soda and remembered he needed cigarettes. Two packs of Kool blue shorts. He paid with his credit card for that. Once he was done, he just stood there and stared at me for a few seconds, which is creepy, I know, but that isn't anything unusual for him. He always just stares at me with his sad eyes. He caught a glimpse of my engagement ring.
"You're engaged?" He asked me.
I smile "Yeah, I am." He gave him the funniest face ever, like he was shocked and thought me getting married was a bad thing. "What's the funny face for?" I asked, slightly offended by his face.
He ignored my question. "Bye Hannah." Then he walked away. This whole thing I thought was funny, but I just assumed his funny face was just that he wasn't happy in his marriage so he thought it was dumb I was getting married.
A few days after that, last night, he came in again. He always passes the register before he gets his ice, but this time he stopped to talk with me.
"You know why I made that funny face?" He asked.
"No, I don't know."
"I always thought you and I would marry." If this was any other guy I would have thought he was joking, but Mikey was very serious.
"But you're already married." I probably should have came up with a better response, but that was honestly the only thing I thought to say.
"No, we still could marry." Then he walked away to get his cup of ice. He came back to the register.
"Okay, you're good." Even though he knows we'll give him the ice free every time, he always has us okaying the free ice each time.
"No, I want something else." He said and turned around and picked out an almond snickers bar and set it on the conveyer belt. "Is he a Christian at least?"
"Yes, he is." I smiled.
"Good." He handed me a dollar bill. "He sure is a lucky man." I just smiled. I really wasn't sure what I should have said. I guess I could have said something like "I know right!", I felt like any response I could have had would have just been a stuck up response. I know Kevin thinks he's lucky and apparently Mikey thinks Kevin is lucky, but I really don't see myself anything special like Mikey was implying. "Well, if things don't work out, I'll still be here."
"It will." I smiled. I don't have even one single doubt that things with Kevin and I won't work out. Yeah our relationship isn't perfect, but we have the "secret" ingredient to any relationship. Jesus.
"I hope it does." He said.
"It will." I said with more confidence then the first time.
My first thought: What the heck just happened. This guy is M.A.R.R.I.E.D. Although, I really wouldn't have called this situation as flirting, it was definitely unnecessary. I know he flirts with other women besides me. Once he actually managed to ask Ash out on a date. Ash was gonna go, as she put it "free food" until I told her he was married. I've been told that this guy used to flirt with my other (no longer working) sister Suzie. He always creeply stares at Mollie.
I know I don't know what Mikey's story is. I barely know him at all, I just know that he's married, he's old, and he's a creeper.
Being a young cashier, I get a lot of married men flirting with me. I just don't understand it. When you marry, you're committing a lifetime to whom ever you married. Don't waste that lifetime looking at other women or other men. If you aren't happy, then do something about it. Make yourself happy, get marriage counseling, do something. Just please, stay faithful. Faithful .
04-15-2015
He came in a few days ago and got his usual cup of ice, and he bought a 16oz of sprite, which is very unusual. He paid for that soda and remembered he needed cigarettes. Two packs of Kool blue shorts. He paid with his credit card for that. Once he was done, he just stood there and stared at me for a few seconds, which is creepy, I know, but that isn't anything unusual for him. He always just stares at me with his sad eyes. He caught a glimpse of my engagement ring.
"You're engaged?" He asked me.
I smile "Yeah, I am." He gave him the funniest face ever, like he was shocked and thought me getting married was a bad thing. "What's the funny face for?" I asked, slightly offended by his face.
He ignored my question. "Bye Hannah." Then he walked away. This whole thing I thought was funny, but I just assumed his funny face was just that he wasn't happy in his marriage so he thought it was dumb I was getting married.
A few days after that, last night, he came in again. He always passes the register before he gets his ice, but this time he stopped to talk with me.
"You know why I made that funny face?" He asked.
"No, I don't know."
"I always thought you and I would marry." If this was any other guy I would have thought he was joking, but Mikey was very serious.
"But you're already married." I probably should have came up with a better response, but that was honestly the only thing I thought to say.
"No, we still could marry." Then he walked away to get his cup of ice. He came back to the register.
"Okay, you're good." Even though he knows we'll give him the ice free every time, he always has us okaying the free ice each time.
"No, I want something else." He said and turned around and picked out an almond snickers bar and set it on the conveyer belt. "Is he a Christian at least?"
"Yes, he is." I smiled.
"Good." He handed me a dollar bill. "He sure is a lucky man." I just smiled. I really wasn't sure what I should have said. I guess I could have said something like "I know right!", I felt like any response I could have had would have just been a stuck up response. I know Kevin thinks he's lucky and apparently Mikey thinks Kevin is lucky, but I really don't see myself anything special like Mikey was implying. "Well, if things don't work out, I'll still be here."
"It will." I smiled. I don't have even one single doubt that things with Kevin and I won't work out. Yeah our relationship isn't perfect, but we have the "secret" ingredient to any relationship. Jesus.
"I hope it does." He said.
"It will." I said with more confidence then the first time.
My first thought: What the heck just happened. This guy is M.A.R.R.I.E.D. Although, I really wouldn't have called this situation as flirting, it was definitely unnecessary. I know he flirts with other women besides me. Once he actually managed to ask Ash out on a date. Ash was gonna go, as she put it "free food" until I told her he was married. I've been told that this guy used to flirt with my other (no longer working) sister Suzie. He always creeply stares at Mollie.
I know I don't know what Mikey's story is. I barely know him at all, I just know that he's married, he's old, and he's a creeper.
Being a young cashier, I get a lot of married men flirting with me. I just don't understand it. When you marry, you're committing a lifetime to whom ever you married. Don't waste that lifetime looking at other women or other men. If you aren't happy, then do something about it. Make yourself happy, get marriage counseling, do something. Just please, stay faithful. Faithful .
04-15-2015
Tuesday, April 7, 2015
9 Reasons Why I Will Be Quitting My Job
"So, I've been wanting to ask you this for awhile, you might not even know yet." Oh boy, I know what's coming next. The question I've been dreading ever since I became engaged. "It is approximately six months before you get married. I know you're gonna move to Warrensville (not real name of the town), do you plan on quitting here?" Yep, I was right.
"Honestly, I'm probably not going to stay here." I paused for a moment trying to think of out all my nine reasons I plan on quitting which one is the best to use. "I would never see Kevin. He works the day shift and I work the night shift; I would only see him a few hours each day, only in the morning and bedtime."
"Just like Jo (his girlfriend, the assistant manger) and I." He said casually, like it was no big deal not to see your spouse only a few hours each day. "Well, I just wanted to ask so I could start planning." Then he walked away. I could feel his disappointment that I wasn't staying.
My heart was pounding during this entire conversation. I didn't want to tell him I was quitting just yet. I wasn't sure what his reaction was gonna be, which was mainly what I was afraid of. When he asked me if I planned on quitting or not, I wanted to take the easy road out and just tell him that I hadn't really thought of it yet, only I had and I didn't want to lie either. The thing is sometimes it's better to get the hard questions answered sooner then later. Eventually I would have had to answer that question anyways, so there wasn't much point of lying and prolonging his curiosity.
I mentioned I have nine reasons I plan on quitting, here they are:
"Honestly, I'm probably not going to stay here." I paused for a moment trying to think of out all my nine reasons I plan on quitting which one is the best to use. "I would never see Kevin. He works the day shift and I work the night shift; I would only see him a few hours each day, only in the morning and bedtime."
"Just like Jo (his girlfriend, the assistant manger) and I." He said casually, like it was no big deal not to see your spouse only a few hours each day. "Well, I just wanted to ask so I could start planning." Then he walked away. I could feel his disappointment that I wasn't staying.
My heart was pounding during this entire conversation. I didn't want to tell him I was quitting just yet. I wasn't sure what his reaction was gonna be, which was mainly what I was afraid of. When he asked me if I planned on quitting or not, I wanted to take the easy road out and just tell him that I hadn't really thought of it yet, only I had and I didn't want to lie either. The thing is sometimes it's better to get the hard questions answered sooner then later. Eventually I would have had to answer that question anyways, so there wasn't much point of lying and prolonging his curiosity.
I mentioned I have nine reasons I plan on quitting, here they are:
- It will save gas money.
I will be living around thirty miles away from my workplace. Not only will it save me gas money, but it will save my dad and brother gas money. They come up every night I close so it costs them as well.
- It will save my sister (the manger) money.
My sister buys $6 of lottery for my dad every time I close. I close five days a week. That's $30 a week. $1,560 a year! That's a lot of money to waste on lottery...
- It will give my dad and brother more free time.
If I didn't close they would have 6.15 hours more of free time a week.
- I would never get to see Kevin.
I work the evening shift, he works the day shift. I work 1:00- 9:15, he works 8:00-5:30ish. I wouldn't get home until 9:45, so bedtime would literally be the only time we'd see each other.
- I hate driving in snow.
I don't mind the five miles I have to drive now, but thirty miles in the snow? I don't think so! I wouldn't be able to call in either. My sister (the manger) made an agreement with our boss since she lives thirty miles away that she will never have to drive in the snow. He freaks out every winter and calls her “unreliable” and makes her drive in the snow anyways. That's not gonna be me.
- I want to see what else is out there.
Maybe this is a dumb reason, but I want to see what it's like to be a bank teller, hotel receptionist, secretary, or something different from a cashier at a grocery store at least. Right now the possibilities are endless.
- I want to make more money. I'll need to make more money. Right now I'm living at my parents, so I have very few bills, but
once I move I'll have a lot of bills so I'll need to make more.
- More hours. In the winter I get about 36 hours. In the summer I get about 38 hours. He freaks out if I get any overtime. I love overtime.
- Working Sundays. I hate working Sundays, here lately I've been working two Sundays a month. I know that isn't that bad, but to me, Sunday should be a day of rest. I am hoping to find a job where I won't have to work any Sundays.
Don't get me wrong there are reasons I should stay as well, but staying is not an option. The reasons I should quit out weighs the reasons why I should stay. I'm gonna miss it a lot, I'm gonna miss working with my two amazing sisters, I'm gonna miss all my customers, I'm gonna miss my co-worker Ash. I know they will miss me too. It really will be sad to go, but I'm excited to see where this new chapter in my life is gonna take me.
04-06-2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
Blonde Moments
If you're anything like I am, you hate having blonde moments. Really, you don't mind that much, as long as you're the only one who knows about whatever your blonde moment might have been.
I had a blonde moment today, actually it lasted more then a moment, it lasted half of an hour.
My boss called and told me to change the gas prices around 6:30. I don't mind changing the gas prices, it's easy and I've probably done it less then thirty times, but still it's easy. Although it's easy I still hate changing them because I don't want to mess up and accidentally change the prices wrong, and I can't change them while people are pumping gas, so I have to go out there and ask them to wait. Almost most people don't mind waiting, I feel like I'm being rude, especially if the prices are going up; like they were tonight.
It was decently busy, or at least the pumps were, I was started to worry because I needed to send Ash home at 7:00, but I couldn't change the prices because the pumps were just to busy. Finally at 7:05 the pumps were empty, Ash offered to stay for a minute to make sure no one pumped. That was awesome. I did every step careful, trying not to mess up. Once I got done, Ash checked to see if the prices on the pump had changed. They didn't. It still said 2.10. By the time she came in and told me, the pumps were full again. Grr. I waited, once they were empty I tried changing the prices again, doing every step even more careful then the first time, just in case I had missed a step, which caused it not to change. Ash went back outside to see if the prices had changed, it still didn't work. At this point, I'm so confused and have no idea what's going on, so I call my sister (the manger) and asked her what to do. I asked Ash to stay longer also, so I could figure this out without having to watch the register. My sister asked me to try changing the prices one more time, so I waited for people to finish pumping and I tried changing it again. Once again, I was very careful doing all the steps. Still nothing. At this point I decided it wasn't me and lost hope of being able to change the prices without calling my boss, whom I hate bothering. My sister told me to try clearing the DCR's. Which basically just resets the pumps. She told me where to find the instructions on how to do it. As I followed these instructions I was even more careful, I had never done this before at all, so I didn't want to make things worst. Clearing the DCR's took about 10 minutes. Once they were cleared my sister told me to change the gas prices one more time, then if this didn't work I would just have to call my boss. I waited for a lady to finish pumping then I started to change the prices, as I was doing the last step, I realized something. I was hitting the ''yes'' button, not ''enter'' like I usually do... Sure enough, after I hit the enter button the prices changed. I can't even describe how stupid I felt at that moment. I had wasted Saddie's (my sister), Ash's and my own time. Half an hour wasted just because I was being blonde! Wow. I'm just so glad I realized what I was doing wrong before I called my boss.
Everyone I told this story to said the same thing. ''Everyone has moments like that.'' I still tried and bring myself down over this, I know it wasn't anything big but I still felt stupid.
The thing is, everyone's response couldn't have been anymore right. Blonde moments are just a part of life, they happen to everyone. There's no getting around it. There's no need to bring myself down over anything, especially just a blonde moment like that. In five years nobody is going to be mad over that incident, most likely they won't remember it. So lighten up, and laugh at your blonde moments, and make the best out of them.
03-18-2015
I had a blonde moment today, actually it lasted more then a moment, it lasted half of an hour.
My boss called and told me to change the gas prices around 6:30. I don't mind changing the gas prices, it's easy and I've probably done it less then thirty times, but still it's easy. Although it's easy I still hate changing them because I don't want to mess up and accidentally change the prices wrong, and I can't change them while people are pumping gas, so I have to go out there and ask them to wait. Almost most people don't mind waiting, I feel like I'm being rude, especially if the prices are going up; like they were tonight.
It was decently busy, or at least the pumps were, I was started to worry because I needed to send Ash home at 7:00, but I couldn't change the prices because the pumps were just to busy. Finally at 7:05 the pumps were empty, Ash offered to stay for a minute to make sure no one pumped. That was awesome. I did every step careful, trying not to mess up. Once I got done, Ash checked to see if the prices on the pump had changed. They didn't. It still said 2.10. By the time she came in and told me, the pumps were full again. Grr. I waited, once they were empty I tried changing the prices again, doing every step even more careful then the first time, just in case I had missed a step, which caused it not to change. Ash went back outside to see if the prices had changed, it still didn't work. At this point, I'm so confused and have no idea what's going on, so I call my sister (the manger) and asked her what to do. I asked Ash to stay longer also, so I could figure this out without having to watch the register. My sister asked me to try changing the prices one more time, so I waited for people to finish pumping and I tried changing it again. Once again, I was very careful doing all the steps. Still nothing. At this point I decided it wasn't me and lost hope of being able to change the prices without calling my boss, whom I hate bothering. My sister told me to try clearing the DCR's. Which basically just resets the pumps. She told me where to find the instructions on how to do it. As I followed these instructions I was even more careful, I had never done this before at all, so I didn't want to make things worst. Clearing the DCR's took about 10 minutes. Once they were cleared my sister told me to change the gas prices one more time, then if this didn't work I would just have to call my boss. I waited for a lady to finish pumping then I started to change the prices, as I was doing the last step, I realized something. I was hitting the ''yes'' button, not ''enter'' like I usually do... Sure enough, after I hit the enter button the prices changed. I can't even describe how stupid I felt at that moment. I had wasted Saddie's (my sister), Ash's and my own time. Half an hour wasted just because I was being blonde! Wow. I'm just so glad I realized what I was doing wrong before I called my boss.
Everyone I told this story to said the same thing. ''Everyone has moments like that.'' I still tried and bring myself down over this, I know it wasn't anything big but I still felt stupid.
The thing is, everyone's response couldn't have been anymore right. Blonde moments are just a part of life, they happen to everyone. There's no getting around it. There's no need to bring myself down over anything, especially just a blonde moment like that. In five years nobody is going to be mad over that incident, most likely they won't remember it. So lighten up, and laugh at your blonde moments, and make the best out of them.
03-18-2015
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Just Like That Tree
It was a slow night, I had already had everything done so I didn't care that I was texting my boyfriend while working, I had less then an hour left anyways. One of my favorite customers came in. He saw I was on my phone, normally I try to hide when I am, but I didn't care that night.
“Aren't you suppose to be cleaning?” He asked jokingly. He's one of the customers that usually comes in the same time I mop, so it's very rare for him to see me doing anything else but cleaning.
“Nope, already got everything done.“ I smiled.
“Facebooking?” He asked, seriously now.
“No, texting.“ I smiled once again.
“What did you just say?” He looked shocked.
I looked at him straight in the eye so he understood me this time. “Texting.“
“Oh okay,” He looked relieved. “I thought you said sexting”
“Oh definitely not.” I felt ashamed just hearing that word.
“Okay good. A good Christian girl like yourself shouldn't be doing things like that.“
“I would never do that.” I felt guilty, I had done that before, and now I'm lying about it.
Kevin and I went walking through some woods earlier today. During our walk there was a creek with a fallen down tree laying perfectly across the creek. Kevin just walked around it.
“What you don't want to walk across it?“
“No, it probably is sturdy, but just in case.” I went around it as well and saw there was a big crack in the middle of the tree.
“There's a crack.“
“See, good thing we didn't walk across it.” He paused for a moment. “Sometimes things look sturdy, but they aren't really.”
I felt like that tree that had fallen down. On the outside everyone sees this perfect little Christian girl who would never do anything like sext. Someone who knows what she believes and will stick with it no matter what. Someone who can conquer temptations of any kind. Someone who has it all together. Someone strong. Someone godly. Everyone sees someone I'm not, just like that customer did.
Here lately, I've been feeling anything but sturdy. I feel like I'm putting on this act, pretending to be someone I'm not. Someone I want to be. Pretending to be this sturdy girl, when it reality I'm not sturdy on the inside. I'm broken, just like that tree. I have fallen and I don't know how to get up. I don't know how to get out of this mess I've created. I'm stuck.
The amazing thing is, it doesn't matter how stuck I am. It doesn't matter how far I've fallen. Jesus will always be here to help me up. I can't do it on my own, but with him I can do anything, Through my weakness Jesus makes me strong. Isn't that cool? We all have some sort of weakness, but Jesus will use our weaknesses to work though us and make us stronger then we ever thought possible.
03-22-2015
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Romans 8:28
I haven't wrote in my blog in what feels like forever, so I'm gonna
share a little of what has been up here lately. If you're wondering why
haven't been writing here lately, there are a few different reasons.
Sometimes I feel like there really isn't much of a point in this blog,
so I don't write. Other times, I try to write, but everything I write doesn't seem interesting, so I don't continue to write. Other times, I simply
have nothing to write about, so I don't. I know these are all excuses
and I need to quit coming up with reasons why I'm not writing and just
write, so that's what I'm doing now.
I wrote "God's Got This Under Control" back in September. I was freaked out about losing so many hours, so I tried to find a part time job, but I never found one, and honestly I didn't look very hard. It wasn't but maybe two weeks and I had completely forgot about looking for another job and my mind became preoccupied with someone.
As the winter started to approach I got more worried about my hours, but I decided to do option #1, even though at the time I wrote God's Got This Under Control I was dead set on doing everything but this option. I don't regret my decision just to 'stick it out and wait' at all. If I would have done option #2 'quit and find another job' I would have never really met the most amazingly awesome guy ever, Kevin, which I met two weeks later. If I would have done option #3 'find a part time job, and work two jobs' I wouldn't have had any time for Kevin.
Almost every week I had the same amount of hours; thirty six hours. I only lost three hours! I know it all adds up, but it still wasn't worth all the stress of having two jobs.The three hour lost turned out to be a good thing. It wasn't really much of a lost. I was able to finish Penn Foster (a program for getting your high school diploma) faster, I had three extra hours to work on it, those three hours helped a lot. I finished in February, it would have took me a little longer to finish if I hadn't gained three hours a week.
Winter is now over, and my hours are finally back to normal! As of last week I'm getting thirty nine hours! This is awesome! Not only did I miss my hours, but I missed my old routine, and I'm so glad it's back.
I know this is probably a lot of useless words, but my main point is God really did have this situation under control. I knew it at the time, but now looking back I can actually see the bigger picture, versus before I could only see my problem, and hope it was going to be okay; Now I know it was okay. Everything turned out perfect. God always knows what's he doing even though we don't understand it. He sees the bigger picture and we need to learn how to trust God and know that his plan is even greater then we could ever imagine.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
03-17-2015
I wrote "God's Got This Under Control" back in September. I was freaked out about losing so many hours, so I tried to find a part time job, but I never found one, and honestly I didn't look very hard. It wasn't but maybe two weeks and I had completely forgot about looking for another job and my mind became preoccupied with someone.
As the winter started to approach I got more worried about my hours, but I decided to do option #1, even though at the time I wrote God's Got This Under Control I was dead set on doing everything but this option. I don't regret my decision just to 'stick it out and wait' at all. If I would have done option #2 'quit and find another job' I would have never really met the most amazingly awesome guy ever, Kevin, which I met two weeks later. If I would have done option #3 'find a part time job, and work two jobs' I wouldn't have had any time for Kevin.
Almost every week I had the same amount of hours; thirty six hours. I only lost three hours! I know it all adds up, but it still wasn't worth all the stress of having two jobs.The three hour lost turned out to be a good thing. It wasn't really much of a lost. I was able to finish Penn Foster (a program for getting your high school diploma) faster, I had three extra hours to work on it, those three hours helped a lot. I finished in February, it would have took me a little longer to finish if I hadn't gained three hours a week.
Winter is now over, and my hours are finally back to normal! As of last week I'm getting thirty nine hours! This is awesome! Not only did I miss my hours, but I missed my old routine, and I'm so glad it's back.
I know this is probably a lot of useless words, but my main point is God really did have this situation under control. I knew it at the time, but now looking back I can actually see the bigger picture, versus before I could only see my problem, and hope it was going to be okay; Now I know it was okay. Everything turned out perfect. God always knows what's he doing even though we don't understand it. He sees the bigger picture and we need to learn how to trust God and know that his plan is even greater then we could ever imagine.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
03-17-2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)