"Steve"

  Back in September I wrote "Sometimes Life Is So Depressing" (by the way, I'm totally better life is awesome now, not that anything has changed except my attitude, turns out my sister was right...) in that rant I mentioned a guy, "Shortly after I saw I had a Facebook message from a customer at work (and if you was wondering, yes, he is a guy, but he is a completely different story that I will share when I think the story is complete.). Well I'm pretty sure the story is complete, or least I hope...
   It all started with this firefighter who came in almost everyday for gas, I will call him Steve. I believe "Steve" is 25 right now. His complexion is in the darker side, I'm pretty sure he has some Mexican in him. He's not really tall, but definitely not short either, his hair is black and cut short, sometimes its a little shaggy, where the front part of his hair covers about half of his eye, almost like he has bangs. Overall he's kinda cute, but that doesn't matter. Why? Because "Steve" has a girlfriend.
  Whenever "Steve" came in he pays for gas with a $35.00 check, whenever gas was cheaper it never took the full amount he gave me, so I saw him at least twice in one day. I always smiled at him, but he very rarely smiled at me, normally I can tell when a guy likes me but not him, more or less I didn't find out he liked me until he told me.
  "Steve" came in one day for gas, his tank couldn't fit all of what he paid for in, so he came back in got his change and asked for my full name, okay a little weird he wanted my full name but I just gave it to him anyways.
  The next day "Steve" came in again. "So have you been on Facebook lately?" He asked me.
  "Yeah, I have..." Yep, I knew where this was going.
  "Oh, have you checked your messages?" I was right.
  "Yeah I have, I didn't have any. Why?"
  "I sent you a message."
  "Oh! I bet I know what happened, sometimes if you aren't a friend with someone on Facebook the message will go under "other", I'll check when I get home."
  "Okay." Then he left.
  I couldn't wait to get home to see what his message had said. So finally once I got home I checked Facebook immediately, and saw a message from his mother, weird. I was so confused, so I opened the message it read "hi im not trying to be a stocker but guess who this is?" I knew what his last name was because of seeing his checks, I'm not as dumb as I look even if he didn't tell me he sent me a message I would have know it was him...
 I reply "Well, I think you kinda told me who it is haha". 
 After that I asked why he didn't use his own Facebook, this is what he said "Ya I'm gonna have to tell u the truth" I didn't reply to that then he wrote again "Please don't take it the wrong way please". 
 "Okay, I'll try not to" Should I be worried?
The rest of the conversion is way to long for me to keep copy and pasting what we said. He basically told me he's been in a relationship almost two years and his so unhappy, they are always fighting, she is
insecure, her parents hate him, etc He described it as the roughest relationship he has ever been in. I truly felt bad for him. Isn't the point of a relationship to be happy? I know things aren't always gonna be all perfect and what not, but if you aren't happy at all, why even have that relationship?
 We talked for awhile still, for the most part I really enjoyed talking with him. I don't know if it was wrong of me to keep talking to him, but that's all we were doing. After about two weeks of talking he basically asked me out. Um yeah, that wasn't going to happen. I told him no, I reminded him he has a girlfriend, and even if he didn't have one I wasn't ready to date. He told me that that changed his "perspective" on things. Whatever, he has a freaking girlfriend, that's what should have changed his perspective... After that conversation I never relied, there didn't seem like there was much else to say, I already said "we" were never gonna happen.
  He texted me later that day. (from a textfree number, guess he was still keeping our talks "secret"). "Guess who". Hmm, I wonder... We talked for about a week, finally he asked me out again. I mean like get the hint, I didn't change my mind overnight... Once again I said no, then he starts to tell me how I need space. Trust me, I've been single my entire life, I've had plenty of space... That's basically what I told him, and gave more in-depth why I didn't want to date right now. He quit texting me after that.
  Until December. This time a different textfree number. "U know who this is?" By the way he was spelling and that question, I knew exactly who was, "Steve". We talked for two days, he quit talking to me after that until recently. This June.
  It was Sunday, and I was off. I was bored to death, so I made both of my online chatting accounts again, on the first one Badoo I saw "Steve" was on it, I didn't talk to him. No trace of him on MeetMe, not that I was looking for him or anything. I deleted my Badoo account again, but kept the MeetMe account just for the day, trying to kill some time. I get a message, didn't think anything of it just another message, no big deal, I replied, talked a little bit then I got distracted, viewed the message but never replied, after two hours, this guy sends me another message, "do u know who I am?" The picture he had wasn't very good, it had him and probably 8 other people dressed in uniform. I couldn't really see any of the faces, let alone recognize them... Eventually, I figured out who it was, it was Steve. We talked for the rest of the day, but I wasn't planning on keeping the app, not even for him, so I told him I had to delete it, waited long enough for him to see the message and I was done, I deleted it. 
  I thought that was the end of us chatting, I was wrong again... Last Sunday I went on Facebook and I had a  friend request from some guy named "Jose", I accepted the request just long enough to look at the profile, he had literally just made it, no friends (except me), no profile picture, it wasn't hard to figure out it was fake profile, the other question I had was who it really was. My first thought was this guy I used to date, that turned out to be a jerk, so I deleted "Jose" off my friends list as soon as the thought crossed by mind, that guy has no business seeing my profile if its really who I think it is I thought.
  Wednesday rolls around, I had completely forgotten about the friend request. I see I have two message in my "other" folder, I check it out. Sure enough, it was from "Jose". The first message was sent on Monday, with a simple "Hello", I never responded to it so he sent another that just said "Steve". Aha! That makes sense, I guess, at least he didn't try and make me guess who he is like all the other times...
  We barely talk this time. This was our conversation:
   "Hello" He sent the message Monday I never saw it until I saw his next message Wednesday. "Steve".
   "Oh hey. Sorry I didn't realize it was you" 
   "It's cool this is my fake profile"
   "Oh why'd you make a fake profile?"
   "To talk to people I can't too if I know wht I'm saying"
   "Oh okay, that makes sense"
   "Honest am I bad person for doing this"
   "Well I don't know, I don't think your a bad person because your doing it, but I do think its kinda wrong"
   "Sorry I'll stop then if it's wrong"
  "If that's what you want to do, don't let my opinion effect whatever you do... Its just I know what it feels like for a guy to "secretly" start talking to another girl, that guy chose her over me and that is one of the worse feelings I have ever felt, to know I wasn't good enough... If he would have just "ended" things with me first then started talking to other girls he liked it would have been a little different, but I guess really not much. I don't know, either way all I'm saying is if she finds out its gonna hurt her, and I don't want to be knowing apart of hurting someone the way I was hurt."
  "I don't want to do tht and get caught in something bad so the right thing to do is don't do this anymore it's wrong And cause harm to anyone or hurt anyone so this is the last time I do this"
  "Okay" Did the thought just now occur to him? Doubtful.
   I'm pretty sure this is the end of this story, I sure hope so. I mean like what the heck he has a girlfriend, he shouldn't have ever messaged me with the intend of something more happening in the first place. The whole thing makes me feel bad for him though, he's so unhappy with his girlfriend that he'll go behind her back and look for someone "better". 
 Anyways, I guess the moral to this story can be summed up in the last thing I told him. "Its just I know what it feels like for a guy to "secretly" start talking to another girl, that guy chose her over me and that is one of the worse feelings I have ever felt, to know I wasn't good enough... If he would have just "ended" things with me first then started talking to other girls he liked it would have been a little different, but I guess really not much. I don't know, either way all I'm saying is if she finds out its gonna hurt her, and I don't want to be knowing apart of hurting someone the way I was hurt.". That's the truth. I don't know their story, I don't know all of the story why he kept trying to talk with me. I just know he has a girlfriend, and really that's all I need to know.




                                                                                                                                                07-14-2014

Jumping To Conclusions

   Last Saturday I wasn't working the register, I was the "floor person" (as we call it) that night. The one who gets to do all the stocking and cleaning. I was glad I wasn't working the register, I love when I work it, but I also like being the floor. When I work the register I'm constricted to stay by the register, that means if were slow I get bored because I've already done everything. With the "floor" I could go anywhere in the store and there's always something new to stock and clean.
  I just got finished stocking the beer. It was five O'clock on a Saturday night and we had already ran outta cold packs of Bud Light 20 packs. Not good. I just put two hot ones in, I knew people would complain, but it is what it is. I can't make something get cold fast, especially with our coolers. I went over a few coolers down and I started to clean it.
 This older guy whom I don't remember seeing before came over to the beer coolers. I looked over smiled at him, he smiled back. He grabbed one of the hot Bud Light 20 packs and set it over on the ground, then opened the cooler right next to it and got a Bush Light 30 pack, and left.
  My blood started to boil. What the heck! I know it was hot and probably wouldn't get cold until the night was over with but still! If he didn't want it, he should have put it back. Some people are so lazy! Normally I would have just left it, since it was already hot. I was to annoyed I couldn't just leave it there, so I marched over there, I look at it, right before I picked it up someone starts talking.
  "I was just coming back for it. I didn't want to carry both of them at the same time.". Oops! I guess I should have waited.  
  "Oh." Feeling somewhat embarrassed. "I know." I lied...
  "Oh your putting another in?" We have all the hot beer right by the beer coolers, so that probably really is what it looked like I was doing.
  "Yeah." I said. I wasn't lying this time though. I really did need to put another in.
 He picks up his Bud Light off the ground. I felt like I should at least apologize for the beer being hot, even though it wasn't my fault, but I didn't. I said nothing as he walked away.
  This is why you shouldn't jump to a conclusions without knowing other facts. The facts were:
        What I knew:                                         
 1. The Bud Light was hot.                       
 2. He grabbed Bush Light.                      
3. He left the Bud Light on the ground.  
4. He walked away.                                   
 
   What I didn't know:
1. He didn't care.
2. He wanted more then one type.
3. He couldn't carry them both. 
4. He was coming back. 

 When a person is jumping to conclusions, they are drawing negative conclusions with little or no evidence to their assumptions. ~~Copy and pasted from a different website.~~ I don't completely agree with that statement. Sometimes, we jump to conclusions that aren't negative. For example, every time I bake I jump to the conclusion that everyone will love whatever I baked. Either way, jumping to conclusions is never good. They don't have any evidence, we need to take the time to think about it.



                                                                                                                                                07-07-2014

Collecting Numbers

  As I have said in other places on my blog, I am single. I am also content with being single though. Honestly, I have to give the credit to God for me being so content with me still being single, I've always been single. He taught me how to be happy with what situations he's places me in my life, he uses them for my good, to mold and make me into the person he wants me to be. Although I am content being single I still want someone in my life, I still want to get married and have kids. I just do, its what I've always wanted.
  Here lately (the last 6 months or so), I have had lots of guys me out, ask for my number, or give me their number. I feel flattered every time, sure it gets old sometimes (especially since some of these guys are old, or they have a girlfriend/wife, thankfully I haven't had to many creepy guys actually try and make the "move", normally its just comments from the guys I consider creepy, yay for that!), but overall I don't mind it. Most of the time I give them my number... But here's the thing, over half these guys that I give my number to I already know I'm not into them, but I feel bad, I have no reason not to be interested in them. Some of them just aren't attractive at all, others of them are but for some reason I just don't like them, but still I feel like I should give them all a chance.
 Within the last month alone I have gave four guys my number that had asked, I had at least six people ask for my number, but those other two were kinda old. Within the past year I have gave/ been given at least ten times, that doesn't count all the guys I rejected when they gave me their number/asked for mine. Until the last two months I was being very careful on who I gave my number out to, I would reject most of the guys, but apparently not enough of them.
 Now, I'm tired of collecting numbers. What's the point? Do I really need to give every single guy a chance? Especially since I already know I'm not interested before I give the number out. There really isn't a point. The only thing I'm doing when I give a guy my number that I'm not interested in is setting up for giving the guy a "heart break". I don't need to do that.
 So I decided I'm done collecting numbers. Unless of course I actually see potential in the guy. In reality any guy I want isn't going to see me one time, think I'm pretty then ask for my number only because I'm pretty. I want him to try and get to know me first, that's the type of guy that is most likely not just looking for a "booty call".


                                                                                                                                                07-04-2014